We’re having a time fantastique and creating lots of lovely memories. Here’s a few stories we’ve collected along the way; I hope you enjoy them x
Boys and their Toys
You’d think that teenage boys would be too cool for a cuddly, wouldn’t you? Not our boys. They know the only way to get over that paralysing, missing-mummy pang is by snuggling into a cuddly toy. So, what better way to spend those hard-earned euros than on a cuddly, multi-coloured unicorn? Still, Kody’s happy, and that’s all that matters. But why have one cuddly when you two, eh George? And George is not a young man to share his snuggly toys with anyone. So when someone attempted a cheeky stroke on the coach, George released his defensive move, in the form of an odour probably only comparable with the combined effort of twenty skunks. What is the collective noun for a group of skunks? Answers on a postcard, please. Needless to say, the interest in George’s cuddlies waned at this point. Now, we have two George’s on this trip. We are saying no more other than if you think he’s yours, maybe consider revisiting his diet!
Reasons for Mrs Duff not missing Mr Duff - Part 1
There have been numerous reports on the Stourbridge Matters FB page of the strange sight of a middle-aged (I’m being kind) woman cartwheeling and back- flipping around the Norton area, while jubilantly exclaiming, “He’s gone, he’s gone!” Members of this esteemed, select group (not!) have been somewhat perplexed by this inexplicable behaviour. Fear not: this is all perfectly normal and the explanation is simple. It is merely the celebratory behaviour of Mrs Duff, following Mr Duff’s departure for a few days, although secretly, just among you, my friends, I think it is more of a hysterical release of despair, as Mrs Duff struggles to contemplate the next four days without her god-like husband. I’m dead. And if know Mrs Duff, you know it too.
Here comes the bit where I try to redeem myself. So, it’s hot, really, really, hot, swelteringly hot, and while sat at dinner, a colleague says, “It’s a good job we’ve got fans in our rooms.” Cue Mr Duff’s brat-like outburst: “Fan! You’ve got a fan? Why haven’t I got one? That is s:::o unfair: pfft!” And I’m not accepting offers from kind colleagues either. No, if there isn’t a fan in my room, I’ll martyr it out. If Mrs Duff is reading this, she’ll know what’s coming. Of course there’s a fan in my room! A great big desk fan, unmissable to anyone with the most minimal of attention and awareness. At home, we call this the bloke look, something I may have mentioned in previous blog posts. Anyway, although I’m sure Mrs D is pining for me, at least she has a few days of not having to find things for me, which are in clear sight and would only be more obviously there if they could speak and announce their location. Mind you, even that would be a problem because as I am frequently reminded by the beloved Mrs Duff, “You never listen!”
Electrical Aid Short Circuits Mr Ewing
Do you know how many residential school trips Mr Ewing has done? I do. Do you want to know how I know? I’m telling you anyway, because he keeps telling me! 50… that’s right: 50! And has anyone, staff or student, ever brought a 10 metre extension cable with them on any of those 50 trips? How many? That’s right: 50! I only realised the level of incredulity, confusion, total discombobulation being experienced in that magnificent Ewing brain when a series of sparks and smoky sizzles danced around that mighty temple. Momentarily, the eyes glazed over and all sentience seemed lost. If you remember C3PO malfunctioning in Star Wars you’re not far away. And just like in the film, the return journey was similar: the flickering of eyes, jerking of limbs and mumbled utterances. It was only when he managed a coherent phrase that we knew recovery was on his the cards. That “Attendance matters” slowly evolved into simple attendance related sentences, before a full recovery was evident, with the introduction of the interrogatives: “Did you know that if you’re absent for…? So, what have learned from this episode? 1. Don’t bring an extension lead on Mr Ewing’s 51st residential. 2. Attendance saves lives!
Stay tuned for more stories. We’re on our way to the snail farm; I’m expecting a few headline splash stories!
Bye for now.
Mr Duff